Nazlan Court

What few readers there have been the past month, please check your systems for viruses. My password was compromised and some malware/trojans/bad links were embedded into the site and the January 1st post. Things should be clean now and secured, but please check your system if you’ve visited in the past month.

What is this strange box before me, its blinking cursor beckoning as a distant phantom?

Oh. It’s my blog. Huh.

So, yeah. A whole year without a blog post. That’s got to be some sort of record, isn’t it? Shortly after last New Year I told myself I wasn’t going to post anything until I had good news about my life – a new job, for example. And well…that didn’t end up happening. I’m still not employed full time again, and mine and Willis’s situation is as precarious as ever. So I put it off and put it off (as I do with so many things) and before I knew it, a year had passed.

It hasn’t been all bad. In this year, Willis and I weathered the worst storm of our relationship to date and came out better than ever. I’ve discovered new talents and focus through my work in retail purgatory. And I’ve made new friends (some of the best in a long time) and discovered a whole new way to people watch through the wonders of Second Life. It bares a striking resemblance to adolescence, really, with all the hormones, hurt feelings, and general mountain-out-molehill drama that is attendant on that state. The reason for this is twofold, I think. First, your avatar has no needs. It doesn’t need to eat, sleep, or crap, it doesn’t get tired, and it doesn’t require protection from SL’s non-existent elements. With no basic needs to fulfil, other desires higher up the hierarchy of needs take on a greater importance. Secondly, it is an internet medium, and non-physical communication requires an entirely different set of cues to interpret. Despite frequent talk about the tech savvy of the average SL user, from the way some of them go on, I wonder if they’ve really been a part of that many internet communities.

As you can see, I’ve put some thought into this. I’ll probably talk more about SL later on. It has provided me with an endless source of amusement.

And as for the real world? We’ve had our first snow of the season, and it’s bitterly cold out. I’ve been overdosing on manga (curse you, Bleach! Cuuuuurse you!), but now I’m going to warm myself by the fire and read some more Discworld.

Hope everyone had a pleasant New Year’s Eve, and that things seem on track for a fulfilling 2007. Or at least a good January. That’s kind of what I’m hoping for at the moment.

Willis and I rotted our stomachs on junk food, soda, and sparkling apple cider, and our brains on 5 hours of Metalocalypse on Adult Swim, ringing in the New Year with the boys of Dethklok. It may not be to everyone’s taste, but damn if we don’t find it amusing, and that’s what matters, right?

I am cautiously optimistic for the upcoming year. There are things I have to do first, before it can truly be all I’m hoping for, but right now my wants are few. Hopefully that will make them easier to come by.

Well, gentle readers, it is Christmas, if only for a few more hours. And as I sit here with my mulled tea experiment (tea, cranberry juice, and mulling spices) and reflect on the day, it really has been rather nice, as Christmases go. Willis and I slept in and then brunched hardily. We watched A Christmas Story, and had a perfectly respectable Christmas dinner of corned beef with assorted sides. Not bad at all, considering, and the relaxed mood of the day has eased my own nerves a great deal.
It’s been a long few weeks since I last updated. I’ll be the first to admit I’m the world’s worst about updating my online journal at the best of times. It seems I can *always* find something I’d rather be doing. Or I just forget, which is common enough for me in any circumstance. I’m working an extra job now, though it’s probably just for a little while, and while my financial circumstances remain less than rosy, I’m trying very hard not to dwell my difficultities. That hasn’t been easy, and I’ve had some seriously low times, but that brings me to the title of this post.

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings

My favorite song from White Christmas is “Count Your Blessings”, partly because of good ole Bing and that marvellous voice of his, and partly because of those lyrics, reminding me that while my life may not be exactly where I pictured it would be, it has its bright spots. My family, who continue to support me in every way that they can. Willis, whose commitment and dedication to me and to our relationship remains steadfast, even through his own struggles. My friends, who are always willing to listen and do their best to cheer me. For all the pressure and worries of my current state, it could be worse. It could always been worse.

So my quiet Christmas day will draw to a close with a hot bath, I think, and perhaps a little “medicinal” holiday cheer (oh, Maker’s Mark, how I’ve grown to appreciate you…) and then bed down, for tomorrow is another working day. And I will do my best to count my blessings, as should we all.

The day after I wrote my last entry, I lost my job. Well, I lost my full time job. I’m still around at my place of employment, giving tours, but that doesn’t pay much, nor take up a great deal of time. Two days after that, I was part of a rather spectacular domestic meltdown, and two days later, had the kind of health scare most women hope they never face.

Two weeks have passed, but the fallout of that week is still settling around me. I’m looking for other employment – it looks like I’ll be cobbling together an income out of part time jobs. The domestic issue has been mostly patched up, and my health, it would seem, is fated to remain on par with your average equine.

But oh, my mind is blown, folks. I got to take an up close and personal look at how many assumptions I’d made about my life in the last little while, and what I thought I knew myself and those around me. I felt myself suddenly shunted to the outskirts of my own life, and, off-kilter and confused, felt as though my emotions were running me, rather than the other way around. My worldview has been painfully shifted, and it’s going to be a while before I’m truly comfortable with the new ground I’ve found myself on.
I’ve never been all that good about updating this journal, because I’m not a terribly disciplined person. I think that’s one of many things that needs to change, and from here on out, I want to make an effort to post more often, even if I don’t have anything in particular to say. It’ll be interesting, because frequently the things most pressing on my mind are things I don’t feel comfortable tossing out on the internet for public consumption. We shall see.